A Friday Five post as I continue to think about what I want to write here. I’ve always had nigglings of discomfort about the privilege my blog represents and my self-consciousness about that is greater now. On the other hand, the struggle to value the quotidian domestic has been longstanding and often demoralizing in my life. Women have long been charged with care of the home and all that entails, and yet the skills we develop and exercise in this work have traditionally been dismissed and disparaged. I earned a BA and MA in my 5th decade, a PhD in my 6th, partly to counter the denigration of the (necessary and satisfying, if often frustrating) work I’d done until then. And once employed as an academic, I had to work consciously to own the pleasure I still took in that which male scholars had, for centuries, written off as superficial, thanks to that curious bifurcation that rendered male “the life of the mind,” and chuckled at our female preoccupation with clothes and hairstyles, etc.
Anti-racist work does not demand that we set aside all the rest of our personal lives, and for now, those ongoing interests and activities and indulgences are grounding me as I assess my past, present, and future commitments toward the necessary social, cultural, economic, and political changes.
I’m not sure how much of that work I will ever want to do in this particular space. Some, I’m sure, but for me the work began decades and decades ago, has been a constant thread in my life, and it’s important that my response and commitment now be mindful and sustainable. Be patient with me, would you?
In the meantime, lift a glass to the Quotidian Domestic that keeps me going:
1. Top photo and below: Sweatpants, a mended cashmere sweater, an old-but-beloved silk scarf, and chaotic hair coralled by that infamous hair clip, sneakers and I’m off for a daily walk, keys in one pocket, phone in the other, French podcast to keep my entertained and learning along the way. . . Routines are everything these days. . . .
2. Last night was my final Impara in Cucina (Learn in the Kitchen/Italian Cooking) Zoom class, and I enlisted a sous-chef to help me make a Neapolitan sartù di riso. We cut into the finished product before I thought to photograph it, but I can tell you it’s molto delizioso, if heavy on the cholesterol. . . The six-week course was a fun way to practice my Italian and learn a couple of new recipes while gaining some insights into Italian food culture.
3. As much as I sometimes regret the loss of my former garden — oh, I had roses! such wonderful roses, carefully chosen and planted and nurtured — I know that this urban outdoor space we have is truly a privilege. I still have space for a rose or two — and this one (I didn’t plant it myself, but I think it must be ‘New Dawn’) is just beginning to bloom, delicately and fragrantly — and abundantly! A compensation for having our trip to Sicily cancelled by Covid-19 is that we’re able to be home to enjoy and care for the garden, which our spring absences have stressed the past few years. . . .
4. An afternoon with these two and paper dolls I downloaded from Kody Stewart’s Etsy shop. (No, I don’t get a commission, but a few years ago I saw a delightful watercolour portrait this young woman painted of my niece’s family and found that she offers digital paper doll illustrations as well. (Check out her Instagram account here.) I’ve been meaning to order these forever, and wow! so glad I got ’round to it. These are a hit! Sent some in the mail as well, so eventually all the grandkids will be playing with them. My latest download today (I’m going to have to guard against an urge to collect — these little guys are cute!) introduced some racial diversity into the kids’ role play. Never too early to talk to your kids about anti-racism. . .
5. And finally, I’ve been knitting while I’m thinking. . . and I finished the sweater I began when we all went inside and closed our doors a couple of months ago. . . .
I also posted today over on my Reading Blog, should you care to take a peek. Some recommendations there for reading materials about anti-racism, and also a mystery or two, a Young Adult dystopian fantasy (think Hunger Games, but with First Nations/indigenous peoples as protagonists, and an astute and moving novel about motherhood and ageing and relationships with adult children. . . .
But I have to go now. My guy just set dinner on the table — time to eat the Sartù di Riso (arancini as Rice Timbale, in case you’re wondering — mmmmm) we made last night. . . .
We’ll chat soon, though, right? Leave me some words below. . . .
xo,
f
It's always gratifying to come to your blog. It feels like a visit with a good friend. Thanks for this Friday Five, and all the other posts! Yes, routines are everything these days and it helps to distinguish the days – although I woke up this morning and it really didn't feel like Saturday but just another weekday. I'm grateful for the luxury of time to do as I wish that this quarantine as afforded me. No place I have to be, so I set my own schedule. Daily walks (some times two), reading, practicing yoga, doing some hand weights, practicing French on Duolingo (I keep meaning to add podcasts, too), outdoor visits with the grands (so lucky that they're within walking distance), trying new recipes, and bingeing (sp?) on Netflix – these are all the quotidian things that make up my day. Have a good weekend!
slf
Yah… you're back. And I'm so glad you are. I used to love paper dolls when I was a kid. Remember Betsy McCall from McCall's magazine? I used to cut up Mum's magazine as soon as I was able for Betsy outfits. The style of that sweater is so perfect for you, Frances. The perfect length. And I like how you've pulled you hair to one side with that clip. Our hair salons have just opened here in Ontario. I have an appointment for July 3. Time enough for me to make up my mind what to do with my own hair.
Now, I'm off to check out your reading suggestions. Have a wonderful weekend. xo
I have similar hair clips…they are from France.
Am reading The Dutch House and enjoying it…our garden is being used as a salad bar for a doe and we are planning to build a fence so rooftop gardening sounds quite attractive by comparison!!
Our eldest grandchild Isla is 10 today so we are going to be celebrating here tomorrow at brunch so I need to get busy and bake a cake and prep the food!
Enjoy your weekend!
I have written my own version of the first part of your post, in my mind, about 100 times. Thank you for actually articulating it. My perspective is that we should all use our spaces in the "optimal" way based on who we are and how we currently understand entrenched racism – to be a constant force for respectfulness and betterness in the world, and to erode the barriers that allow racism to thrive. But we do not all share the same best-practice techniques for enabling change – which is ok, as there are many. At this precise moment, social media is not the domain for the majority of my work on this topic. It does not mean that I am not intent. But this matter isn't a soundbite and I fear that the internet turns so many things into that kind of beast. I'm going to keep listening, undertaking mechanisms of change in my day-to-day life and reflecting. I have a thousand things I want to say and to ask on this topic, pretty well constantly, but for me the most change-worthy conversations come into their own more privately and in real time.
And in the domain of the quotidian – I wish roses for all who want them! My new rose bushes (that I've written down the proper name of 5x but fancy flower names never seem to stick!) are so beautiful. They are just getting their first buds and I look at those buds for 10 minutes at a time – as if I can make them grow faster by doing so! They've also been sprouting new stems and leaves on a daily basis. I have treated them royally (as one must!) with manure and drainage and good soil and mulch and I cannot wait to see their neon pink flowers. In truth, I got this varietal because I wanted neon pink. I wanna be able to see those flowers from space 🙂
Oh Frances, that sweater…wow!! Just amazing.
I've seen the phrase "perfomative allyship" lately, and it resonated. Though sometimes we need to use our platforms and voices, the quiet work we do in our day to day lives may be what moves the needle in the long run. As I commented on Sue Burpee's blog, "it's a marathon, not a sprint." And that joy in the quotidian (family, food, home, garden, clothes) can be a comfort, and a commonality across groups that maybe help us humanize and understand each other a little better.
Those paper dolls are adorable, and kudos for having those conversations with your Grands.
Ah, quotidian details. Had a very enlightened English prof at the U of MD who did a great job of introducing long ago female writers who no only wrote, but also had to manage all the quotidian details of life, while their male writing brethren didn't have to worry about those mundane details…usually because a wife/sister/mother/aunt/servant was taking care of them. Of course, none of the female writers were in the Western canon usually foist upon university students, but so illuminating of a different point of view. Was fortunate to have another prof who had grown up in Nigeria and introduced me to great African literature, too. Good times.
And just think, if one of those quotidian details is knitting, it is highly doubtful any of those male writers ever produced such a lovely sweater(jumper) as you have done. Looks great.
Slf: Aw, thanks for saying that! I do enjoy visiting with my friends here. If you're looking to start with a French podcast at the Intermediate-wanting-to-move-to-Advanced level, Inner French is very good. . . Hugo speaks so clearly about a variety of interesting topics which he obviously researches thoughtfully. I'd recommend starting at the beginning — a great resource!
Sue B: I do remember playing with paper dolls — we would make our own clothes for them (my mom never treated herself to magazines, so I missed out on McCalls 🙁
Hostess: I remember the problems of gardening in Deerland! Our yard was completely fenced except at the oceanfront section — and we'd regularly get a big buck who'd come up from the beach and take a nap right in a perennial bed — which he squashed pretty effectively. . . Your garden deserves better protection 😉
K: Yours would have been a very worthwhile post, judging from your astute comment here — this needs to be so much more than an 8-second soundbite, indeed! As for your neon-pink roses, yes! I've come to appreciate the bubble-gum-pink hydrangea left behind by the former owners of our condo. Used to revile it, tbh, but it actually makes sense against the urban hardscaping. . . In your otherwise very calming garden space, those roses will be perfect. Can't wait to see photos!
Susan B: It's a fine balance, isn't it? We need to look after ourselves, but also not forget the urgency and the need to keep the pressure on. . . I think the small joys of everyday life can help us find that balance.
Mary: I love to hear stories of those professors whose teaching continues to resonate many years later. Even if I just managed to put the right book or author or concept in a student's view to stretch their ideas of which lives should matter more and why and what we might do about that, I feel as if I contributed to the bigger struggle. . . .
Please do keep going with the Quotidian Domestic. I don't see why you should set aside your reflections in this personal space. The ongoing work that you talk about doing in anti racism, the self-educating, listening, witnessing, acting – why should that sincere work be of less value than a sudden burst of noise online? Surely you are establishing the groundwork.
I think of the diaries of the quotidian kept during WW2 in Britain, as part of the Mass Observation project. They're hugely valued today. Do you know the Diaries of Nella Last? Bella was one of those diary keepers. Dramatised by the BBC as Housewife 49, with the much-missed Victoria Wood in the title role (on Amazon Prime video). There's a bit about the diaries here: bbc.co.uk/history/british/britain_wwtwo/nella_last_01.shtml
Nella – not Bella. Wretched autocorrect!
New reader here, your first new post for me! So many serious and enjoyable things here (not that those are mutually exclusive). The sweater is awesome, BTW! No time for long comments today, just saying Hi and I'm happy I found you! (thanks, Sue Burpee).
I know I am repeating myself if I say that it was exactly the combination of academic standards, feminist thinking and the recognition of the importance of „reproductive work“ (as we used to say in this country) which attracted me to your blog in the first place and has kept me here ever since. Thank you for drawing my attention to the writings of Ibram X. Kendi. I got his books from the library and am now avidly reading „Stamped from the Beginning“.
I feel very lucky for the oppotunity to teach a class on Diversity this winter (if a sufficient number of students will sign up for it, that is.) Facilitating discussion and opening my students‘ views to ideas or writings they did not know before seems to me the best thing I can do.
Your sweater is amazing!
Is there any chance the pattern in on Ravelry?
It’s Junko Okamoto’s Papa sweater. I haven’t added mine to Ravelry but there are many iterations of it there.
Ahh, your words always simultaneously challenge and settle my thoughts. I’ve read this post a few times now, and realize I have been remiss in commenting. How can life slow down and simultaneously feel more full? I suspect that says more about me than anything in the world itself. Continue at your own pace, your posts always feel like conversations with an old friend, even though we have never met. And I have added Kendi to upper end of my reading list.