On my penultimate day in Paris last month, I was tempted by a grey cashmere sweater dress in the window of Comptoir des Cotonniers. Tempted enough to go inside and look at the dress, feel it, admire the shape, and to recognize some dubious elements in terms of sustainability: I have no idea about the sourcing of materials or the ethics of the labour, but the intrinsic stretchiness of the dress’s garter stitch suggested a tendency to bag. Hand-washing and blocking to re-establish its shape mean wear and tear; the fabric seemed too loosely knit to resist that.
But do you think I spun on my heel, left the store with a cheery Au Revoir to the Sales Assistant I’d only just greeted with “Bonjour Madame”? Nope. I’ve been wanting to replace the sweater dress I bought on sale, two years ago. 100% Acrylic, it’s ever-so-useful in my wardrobe, but while it does a good job of looking like a rich tweedy wool, the synthetic fibre irritates, especially at the snug-fitting turtleneck. And while my travel wardrobe had worked very well, everything I’d brought fastened at the waist. My mid-section was begging for less constraint; this dress promised to skim it gently, an attractive and practical knee-length A-line. The clincher was the easy chat, en français, with the stylish-but-not-intimidating Vendeuse, and after all, just trying doesn’t hurt. . . .
And since I was going to be in the change room anyway. And since there was a 30% reduction on a purchase of Two or More Cashmere items, and I’d been smitten by this gold/ochre colour, and I love that slightly cropped, boxy-swingy shape in a cardigan. . . .
I tried them both on, together, and separately, and I liked the way they looked. The fabric of the sweater dress was a bit lighter and less firm than my ideal, but it passed the tummy-and-bum test for cling. I’d have worn it with knee-high boots or with loafers or oxfords. Could have dressed it up with low-heeled pumps. The cardigan would have added an interesting colour to my wardrobe, and I was quite sure I’d wear it often. I’d almost made up my mind to get them both, justifying the splurge in a number of different ways. But by the time I’d put my jeans and black cashmere turtleneck back on, then my coat, by the time I’d taken a photo of the garments and their price tags to take away with me, I’d decided to give myself some time with the very helpful phrase a then-Parisian friend taught me years ago: Il faut que je réfléchisse (I need to think about it).
In that moment, to be honest, I was thinking through my plans for the next day and wondering if I’d come back to the shop (my hotel was just around the corner) before or after lunch. Mentally finding room in my carry-on for the new purchases. But the further I got, the more I knew the purchase didn’t meet the Slow Fashion ethics I’ve been trying to honour. The more I listened to that niggling voice, the more support it had. I forced myself to think about what I already had at home. Sure, if I bought these two garments, I’d wear them often and regularly over the next few months. Perhaps I’d still be wearing them next year. Maybe even the year after.
But I already have many items I was once equally smitten by, that I still like wearing, even if the novelty has worn off. We have limited closet space; my lifestyle doesn’t require a huge wardrobe; and novelty is overrated.
I had to rehearse these truths to myself several times over that evening and the next day. There was one moment, especially, in the afternoon, when I came very close to “just popping back for one more look.” Retail therapy is so seductive, working on so many devious levels, accessing triggers planted deeply over decades . . .
No question I’d be wearing that ochre cardigan today, if I’d bought it. Instead, what I brought back from Paris is a Resistance-to-Consumerism muscle that’s a bit stronger from the workout. Instead, I focus on the art I saw, the neighbourhoods I walked through, the buildings I admired, the people I talked to. Hardly a deprivation.
I know, I know. I resisted a temptation that only my privilege let me consider in the first place. Do I really deserve the back-patting I’m giving myself? Perhaps not, but individually and collectively, I hope we’re all getting back to the first of the three R’s. Reducing what we buy is more important than Re-using or Re-cycling, although the latter two better support the Novelty we’ve accustomed ourselves to over the last half century or so. . .
Next post, I’ll share the list of my wardrobe purchases for 2019. I’m nowhere near as organized as my friend Sue (she has safeguards against impulse shopping for cashmere sweater dresses!) who “Fesses Up About Slow Fashion,” but I followed her lead in counting the year’s additions to my closet. Overall, I believe I’m buying less and maybe even buying better, but improvements could be made. . . .
What about you? (How) Do you resist retail temptation? Are there times when an impulsive addition to your closet is a good decision? (There have been for me) Do you ever think wistfully about that dress, those shoes, that bag you left behind in a shop somewhere? Do you Just Say No, or do you find it easy to be manipulated once you’re in front of a retail-shop mirror wearing a new garment? Do your New Year’s resolutions include any concerning Slow Fashion or your own Clothing Budget or more careful and considered Wardrobe Planning? Comments welcome below, as always.
Oh, I am terrible at resisting! Having to wear my cousin’s hand-me-downs throughout childhood and not being able to afford much in the early (think 20) years of my career, I indulge now. In addition, my talented daughter was a great stylist when she worked in a clothing shop, and had a discount, However to my credit, I am careful to avoid trends so nearly everything I have, I wear for years. When I do cull, I donate to a local shop that sells to income insecure townsfolk so that they can wear better-looking clothes than can be found at W…m..rt. And finally, I am looking more and more to purchase second-hand. Thankfully I have to avoid most wool clothing, too itchy, so while I would have admired the set you pondered, I would not have been tempted. The ochre color would look great on you! Carol in VT
Yes I too would have been oh so tempted , but like you I have a little demon on my shoulder saying do you really need that! Over the years I prefer to pay more for something that is classic and will last and last. I need to do a stock take in my wardrobe as many of my items are very long in the tooth. Mind you they are still loved and still worn. Maybe I need to do a post! This year I have to buy a new outfit for a wedding. It goes against the grain as I have a lovely dress I have worn at so many special events. My family have refused to give it houseroom at this wedding. Gulp how will I find the next perfect dress. Wish me luck. B x
That was a tempting outfit! I've become better at resisting things but have my Achilles heels (ballet flats, jackets.) My best defense in taking a capsule wardrobe approach. It it doesn't fit the capsule (colour, style, type of piece) it does not come home. I've also stopped buying things for the life I'd like (ie riding jackets when I'm allergic to horses!) But things in Paris seem even more tempting so well done!
Thank you for this lesson on knits. I know how to sew and can spot bad workmanship, but know nothing about knitting. I have several sweater dresses that are several years old now. It's true that they don't get a TON of wear–winter lasts from December to February. I bought them before I started paying attention to synthetics. They are holding up very well and i always long for more, but I manage to resist by not even looking.
I'm buying nothing. Yet.
I am pretty good at resisting. If I really like something but know I can't buy it, I tell it how lovely it is and thank it for existing, then hope somebody will come along and find it is exactly what they need. I do this quite discreetly, might I add. On the other hand, if I am looking for something specific because I need it – and there are always things that we need from time to time – I say 'If I am meant to find it, I will'. That often works and, if I don't, then I was not meant to. If you get my drift. So far, looking at my wardrobe, I seem to have enough to last for a good few years though summer stuff is sparse, my favourite but aged black t-shirt dress having been converted to dusters yesterday. That is what a lot of my totally worn to bits stuff ends up as.
I am not good at resisting but am working on it. I have plenty of clothes that are appropriate for all but the most formal occasions. Like Jen I have created a capsule wardrobe and endeavour to stick to my own “rules” re colour, style etc. I also regularly edit my wardrobe and donate items that have turned out to be uncomfortable or poor choices. We all make mistakes! Maryann
I would have pounced on the mustard cashmere sweater for sure. I purchase only a few items every year now. Look forward to your next post.
I’m proud of you my friend. Good job. Bet the farther you walked away from that lovely dress the more you thought about the slight looseness of that garter stitch, eh? Well spotted.
I am usually too afraid of being overwhelmed by the excitement of travel, by the fun of chatting to sales staff in a foreign city, and my fear of disappointing them once we’ve bonded to even attempt to shop when we travel. I did years ago have one wonderful day shopping in Melbourne when Stu and I were away on a three month trip. We’d planned this day. Stu visited the aquarium, and I wandered the shops deliriously happy to be on my own and chatting with other women about clothes. And I bought a two pairs of pants and a shirt that I wore for a long while after we came home. But mostly my away purchases have not been as successful.
I am excited to have a virtual peek into your closet. Bring on the count. We can start a trend … women everywhere counting their clothing… like the Christmas Day bird count… only at the New Year … and without the birds. Ha. xo
Carol in VT: My first few decades were similarly tight-budgeted, and so I'll admit that once the kids were grown and I began working full-time, I indulged myself, didn't resist as many temptations. Sounds as if both of us learned some restraint, though, from that early experience, and we look for value and sustainability when we shop, and we're not horrified by the idea of doing more with less once again.
B: Ha! I recognize that wedding-dress syndrome. Like you, I've been quite happy to put the same frock into service, repeatedly, for such occasions. This spring, though, when my nephew got married in the last weeks of his life (he was in the late-palliative stage of cancer), I splurged on a new outfit (floral-printed top and pants, pyjama-style) to honour the event's deliberate focus on finding and celebrating joy and love. Some occasions defy restraint.
Jen L: Sounds as if you've learned your shopping weaknesses and strengths, but you also know how Paris can threaten to topple our retail defenses 😉
I congratulate you on the restraint. Likely made even more difficult by all the frustrations you had encountered on the trip (e.g. the impact of the strikes, changing plans for your Rome trip, etc.). Nothing like being upset to make one feel as though a little reward might make things 'feel' better. But you managed to think it through and come to the best conclusion–the clothing didn't me your standards. My mother's maxim always plays in my head when it comes to shopping (and a lot of other things in life), "When in doubt, don't."
Taste of France: Yes, I find that not looking at all is a very good strategy if restraint is important. I only have one sweater dress now, a replacement for a treasured black Helmut Lang one made in wool, machine-knit at a very tight gauge to be sturdy, and with enough textural details that it minimized any bulging at the middle. Alas, I came to see it as just a bit too short, sometime toward the end of my 50s–I'm sure someone's still wearing it, somewhere. . . . Hoping to find the next iteration by next winter, latest. Might have to knit it myself!
Annie: This is often my approach as well, although my conversation with said garment might be briefer and quieter than yours 😉 But I do tend to buy if something's just right and I can afford it and I know I can wear it often enough — I greatly dislike looking for something when I need to fill a gap because I seldom seem to find what I want then and have found myself compromising. . . Good for you if you've worn your clothes into dusters. Never managed that although my husband's old shirts have provided some great sewing experiments for a g'daughter. . . .
Maryann: "Working on it" is halfway there, and the capsule is a great approach. And yes, forgiving ourselves for the mistakes we all make.
Hostess: It's such a good colour — would work well with your black-and-white palette
Sue B: Thank you! And ah, you get it exactly, the pleasure of the chatting (after time away from girlfriends, so making up for the deprivation) means we then get hooked into discomfort over disappointing a Sales Assistant. I know some readers will scoff at this, made of much sterner stuff, but I'm very susceptible and glad to know I'm not alone. Knowing myself well, I do try to give myself thinking space, even if it's just stepping out for a coffee or lunch or whatever, and I find this works to extricate myself from "closing" the deal. . . it's a technique I insisted on when my daughters were teens and often impulsive and I guess it works for my inner teen as well 😉
Also really relate to what you say about purchases made when we've stepped out of our usual lifestyle. I've picked up a few treasures that enliven my wardrobe, sometimes tweak it in a new but credible direction. But often what I've bought when away doesn't get off the hanger as much as I'd thought it might. . .
Mary: You're absolutely right. The frustrations did play a part, and there was a sense that "I deserved it." You know, for the terribly tough situation of being in Paris (insert eyeroll emoi). Your mother's maxim is spot on, and in the end, I think that something similar guided me. It's a principle I generally abide by, especially since I really don't need anything anymore, so if I add something it's got to be stellar, , , ,
Like you, I buy less and when I do buy it is high end. Quality and workmanship are key. I must say, I liked the mustard cardigan. The color seems unlike anything you have posted about. Lately, I am fond of shopping my own closet(s). Susan
Well done Frances! Though I confess I would likely have succumbed to that gorgeous mustard cardigan – I love that colour, it mostly likes me and it’s not easy to find. Retail therapy is so seductive and impulse buys, like my almost two year old small, leather shoulder bag in a bright yellow, which has been used most days since I purchased it, can work out very well. But of course, not always. I find it especially hard to resist garments in natural fibres, colours and shapes that I like and which fit, because they’re not easy to find. But overconsumption isn’t good for the planet or the budget. I’ve developed some skills in repairing clothes, including linen dresses, t-shirts and wool or cashmere jumpers, that become worn and while I’m no needle woman, my repairs have improved with practice and I actually like the look of something that’s been mended with love, though of course such items don’t get worn on “dressy” occasions. As a Sydneysider, I had a giggle at Sue Burpee’s comment about the temptations of shopping in Melbourne, which is well known for the excellence of its clothing stores, and where I’ve indulged in my own retail therapy during holidays there.
Oh gosh. Well. I have tried to let go of the idea of clothes as the resonse to some emotional need or as pure decoration. I try to commit for the life of the garment…wearing to rags is the goal. I'm comfortable buying to replace what is worn out (or has moved to another level in the hierarchy of wear) and also will bring in new items that support my lifestyle (e.g. to keep me comfortable while walking/cycling to errands/classes/social outings in temperatures of roughly -30 to +30c. Buy a sweater and leave the car in the garage type of thing.)
I do like the colour of that cardigan (sauterne, although I would have called it moutard)…but don't you have something that colour? A sweater or scarf? I feel I have admired it on you…maybe I am dreaming or maybe it was years ago ha ha 🙂
I'm sure it must have been hard to resist,but you are a very conscious shopper. These colours are beautiful.
I've had a great ,almost forty years long,school of meticulous planning,wishing for,buying,repairing,longing for something not avaluable (problem was not only money,but more the lack of possibility to get it) during socialism/communism years. Decisions were to make,deciding what to buy between a couple of things. It have really taught me discipline. My main problem now is to part with my clothes (because,than,every piece was valuable and was saved for some future use,with a help with excellent seamstresses we had during that time). To be sincere (as I've written in my guest post at Lisa's blog),we were dressed very well-our approach was minimalistic and so were our wardrobes-they were small but very well curated,no logos but timeless pieces. We have played very well with the cards we had.
Nevertheless,nowdays,tempting is always present…how to resist? I don't follow a lot of blogs or IG (and the ones I follow are not only into fashion),I go shopping (to brick and mortar shops)usually after researching the web and knowing what I'm looking for (although,some of my purchases were impulsive ,love at first sight and I didn't regret at all). I think a lot about something I like (but don't need a lot),f.e. I want a camel colour turtleneck in fine cashmere- there were a couple of candidates,but not a perfect one,so,I didn't buy. Maybe,next year…The second example was a beautiful winter scarf. Do I need another one to be warm and cozy? Nooo….but,after a lot of thinking, I decided to buy it-it would be my first purchase in 2020.
And,for the end,a confession,maybe it is some salt rubbing in the wound,sorry,but I have EB sweater dresses for a couple of years and wear them a lot during winter
Dottoressa
Cashmere is the only type of wool I can wear, so some ten years ago I bought several cashmere sweaters for work (all of them second hand, because the material was so expensive). While the prices have gone down quite a bit since then, I have learned a bit more about the conditions under which this lovely yarn is gained. First of all, the combing of the wool is a very painful process for the animals. That may have been different when the production of cashmere was done on small farms with artesanal methods. Nowadays it is a mass industry. At the same time, the ever growing herds of cashmere goats have already devastated huge areas in Mogolia and China where a large part of cashmere production is located. So two more points on which to applaud you for your decision.
I bought almost no new garments last year (apart from some underwear). Two denim pants fell to pieces and had to be replaced (second hand). I cannot claim any particular resistance to temptation – I simply do not enjoy shopping for clothes. (I find it much more difficult to pass by the windows of a yarn shop, but have to rethink my principles here, too. See above.)
The ochre cardigan is beautiful and I'm guessing the outfit looked fabulous on you. I admire your walking way. Usually if I can walk away and give it an overnight think, I will not go back. However, this is not always what happens. I do think about purchases I have left behind. Right now I have my mind on a grey single pearl on a chain that I didn't purchase in Quebec. I keep wondering if I might call them and have it sent. It's just a dream really, I don't need it. Most of my impulse purchases are in response to a clothing need that the impulse item really didn't address.
My shopping is way, way down – I just don't need much in this life I now lead. I am sure that sweater was wonderful, but so is the memory of resisting:).
Susan: Isn't that mustard good? I thought it was unlike anything I could "shop" in my own closet as well. Stay tuned to find out how wrong I was . . . 😉
Maria: We sound as if we're balancing similar values and goals. Like you, I sometimes indulge in a serendipitous find, knowing it will bring pleasure and be used well for years. And I mend and I extend and make do, increasingly, for the planet. Not enough, yet, but I'm trying.
Georgia: I've never worn my garments to rags, although perhaps if we'd stayed on the island I might have done that in retirement. Living right in the city now, I'd have to get rid of all self-consciousness to do so, and I don't think I have enough years left. But I can definitely working to get more life out of my garments, by continuing to devalue variety. I'm trying. As for the colour, you will see that your memory of such a garment in my wardrobe features in my next post. . . . To be continued 😉
Dottoressa: I remember that guest post, and of course I've learned more during my conversations with you. We have much to learn, I think, many of us in middle-class North America, about other possible relationships with fashion retail, but globalization has erased many of those more careful, frugal practices to the detriment of the planet. I guess we're trying to find our way back now (I have my own memories of frugal wardrobe-making from growing up in a very large family, and I think those lessons served me well). As for the salt you've rubbed in my wound (:-). . . I was tempted to have a look, and EB is having a sale, but right now those dresses are either too fitted or too short. So my wallet is safe!
Eleonore: You set a very high ethical standard for your clothes-shopping — there are ethical, small artisan producers of cashmere yarn, but then one must pay the price. Back again to buying better and far less. And yes, I think as well about the consumption involved in knitting, in all kinds of "making" for that matter. But we have to find balance as well, and pleasure, joy, ways to keep living in the face of all the crises we are presented with daily. . . .
Smithposts: This is true for me as well. If I can just push past that WANT, which is not at all a need, although I tell myself it is, in the moment. If I can think about it until the next day, and then, sometimes, fill the next day with distractions. . . . But it's surprising how strong that pull can be . . . I know those occasional regrets though. . . won't say anything here to sway you toward or away from that pearl. We have so much enabling language at the ready, I find, to reassure each other (and ourselves) that shopping is okay. . . And sometimes it is. . Lisa: Exactly. And if I gather more of these memories, that choice may become the default. . .
The grey and mustard combination, and the fabric of the dress would definitely have stopped me in my tracks. I may just come back here from time to time to gaze at it. If it's a look that I've longed for, in a colour that I long for, I will probably buy it. But that comes very very rarely, so I'm probably safe enough! I do however still regret a mustard and grey combination of wide linen dark grey trousers and mustard cardigan seen in a window in Brussels, in Rue Antoine Dansaert. A colleague and I were on our way to Le Pain Quotidien for an early breakfast and after that to the station for a train to Antwerp to our conference, all before shop opening hours. And after the conference we were going direct from Antwerp to Zaventem for our flight home. It's strange tho how the pull towards an item of clothing can be so visceral. Wonder where that evolved from?
Oh, I think about those "garments not purchased"! In fact, I have recently encountered this very situation with a bag. I bought one from Espace Tricot, in canvas with leather trim (Twig & Horn – though I really don't love Pam Allen, truth be told). It is practically impossible to come by and it's a perfect plane bag cuz it holds knitting plus all the other things. I only use it for that purpose cuz I can't really cart heavy things around day-to-day. It completely fits a niche I've had issues with for years.
But then… I found an all leather substitute and I was smitten. Here's the thing – I knew, as I coveted the leather bag, that I had NO need of it. I already have the T&H canvas one that's fantastic – the only thing I'd change is to make the handles a bit less soft (for durability over time) and I'd have bought navy if it had been available as the light colour is apt to get dirty over time if I'm not mindful. In the end, I passed. I'm kind of amazed – not by my willpower, which I strangely didn't exercise – but because I realized I was buying something truly unnecessary, something I'd have to find space for, something that would barely get used (even if its usage was well-defined for travel). And it would cut into my usage of the other bag – which wasn't inexpensive by a long shot.
Point is, I get this. There are ZILLIONS of gorgeous things in this world – esp. in large cities like Paris and Vancouver. I can find practically anything in the world I want within my budget. The id part of me is all "buy the beauty!!!". But the practical part seems to be coming to the fore in middle age.